


New Kid and New Team Member

by definitely_not_samoa



Series: Derby Days [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Roller Derby, Derby teams and names, Gen, Humanstuck, Multi, Physical Disability, Teams based off dream selves, alcohol mention, drug mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 22:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1364590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/definitely_not_samoa/pseuds/definitely_not_samoa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert is the new kid in town, and thanks to some kid in his shop class finds himself spending his first Friday in town at the 2 Moons Skate Club. Just in time too, it looks like there's an open spot for John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Kid and New Team Member

 

   "Hey. Hey kid," a tiny voice whispered from the third row of third period shop class. It was directed at the brunette directly in front of himself. Said brunette didn't hear this whisper and instead kept on working on his birdhouse. The owner of the voice sighed. "Jesus Christ." He searched the messy work station in front of him before picking up a tiny dark grey nail with which he proceeded to throw at the neck of the kid in the row in front of his. The kid flinched and rubbed his neck before facing him.

   "What the heck was that for?" Just as suspected. This kid was new, no doubt. Being the cool kid that the boy in the third row was he knew everybody, and never before had he layed eyes on such hair and teeth. The cool kid cracked a relaxed smile.

   "Who are you?" The kid only looked more bewildered.

   "You don't meet people by throwing things at them!" A tired pair of eyes looked over the top of a newspaper from the teacher's desk. If the teacher cared enough he would've told the boys to be quiet, but he didn't care. He wasn't paid enough for that.

   "Maybe not where you're from. Speaking of," cool kid put his elbows up on the desk and leaned on them, "where _are_ you from?" The kid rolled his eyes, realizing the pair of sunglasses behind him wasn't going to let up. 

  "Washington, I'm from Washington," he said.

   "Cool. What's your _name_?" The kid glared.

   "John."

.

   "John, I'm Dave," the sunglasses stuck his hand out, and John cautiously  shook it. "Got a place to sit at lunch?" John pulled his hand back.

   "Um, no. I guess not." Dave's smile widened.

   "Just follow me out of this class then." Dave leaned back in his chair and kicked his legs up on the table. Standard cool kid pose. Again the teacher saw, and, even though it was a major violation, he said nothing.

   "I don't know you!" He whisper-hissed. John turned around to continue his bird house.

   "Do you know anyone?" Checkmate. Point: Dave Strider.

   "Yeah, my cousin." The judges retract that point. Cool kid's got the rebound, though.

   "Who's your cousin?"

   "Jane. She's a senior; you probably don't know her." Amateur mistake. Cool kids know everybody.  

   Dave thought for a second. "Crocker?" John muttered 'Jesus'.

   "Yes, _Crocker."_

    "Yeah, I know her. It's actually a funny story. One we can talk about. . . during _lunch."_  

   "Christ," John rubbed his face. "Why are you so obsessed with me?"

   Dave had to fight a strong urge not to ironically quote _Mean Girls_. "I just want you to feel at home here, Johnny Boy."

   John stressed his words with rigid hand signals. " _I. Don't. Know. You."_  

   Dave uncrossed his arms and held them out at his sides. "Get to know me," he pointed at John, "over lunch." John was done fighting with this kid.

   "If I say yes, will you let me work in peace for the rest of class?"

   "Of course. I'm not cruel."

   "Fine. Sure. Thanks." John turned around and continued working on his bird house. The miniscule red hand of the clock above the door ticked forward three more seconds before a loud bell filled the entire school.

* * *

   "Ladies." In the crowded lunch area of Rondout High School, Dave Strider sat down at an already crowded lunch table. Even though the table was crowded there was only one person who heard his 'hello', but he was only sitting there because of that one person.

   "Lady," the other blonde corrected. John awkwardly took the seat next to Dave, seeing as it was the only one open.

   "Ah, yes. I forgot. Harley has her crazy superstitions she has to keep in line." ' _Crazy superstitions'_ John wondered. Dave took out the brown bag he had been able to find in the deepest smelliest pits of hell that was his locker. To this John could testify. In the bag was a small container of apple juice, a bag of Doritos, and. . . nothing else. John kinda frowned at the lack of food. His own father wouldn't let him leave the house with anything less than enough to feed the state of Washington. John decided to get started with Gushers and a Hi-C juice box. John's father still didn't grasp the fact his 'baby' was in tenth grade and not thirteen anymore.

   "Who's your friend?" John snapped his head up and met the dull. . . _purple_ eyes? Yeah, they were purple for sure. That was a new one for John. He didn't have to time to relish it, though, because Dave clapped him on the back with enough force to break bone.

   "New student! Johnson Crocker, Jane's cousin." Rose's eyebrows slightly perked at the mention of Jane. John swallowed the last of his Gushers.

   "Egbert," he corrected quietly. Dave put down the bottle of apple juice that he'd been drinking.

   "What?"

   "Egbert," he said louder. "Cousins on my mother's side." John rummaged through his bag and pulled out a plated piece of pumpkin pie in a plastic bag. "And you can have that," he slid the pie to Dave, "I've got more than enough." Dave nodded, examining the pie. He mumbled a 'thanks bro' before getting back to eating. An uncomfortable silence the size of New York fell over the three. Dave expertly snuck his phone out and sent a text under the table.

   TT: hey

   GG: Hi.

   GG: Who are you ,and why do you have this number?

   TT: long fucked up story short im dirks bro

   TT: and your own bro is sitting next to me

   GG: Whomever they are, I don't have a brother

   GG: You only answered half the question.

   TT: anyway your homeboy john is sitting next to me

   TT: awkward as all fuck

   TT: he just handed me a pie

   TT: help

   "Who are you texting?"  Attention was switched from the screen of the IPhone to Rose. Dave was glaring at her, but she couldn't tell from behind the sunglasses he refused to take off indoors.

   "Don't be silly Rose. _I'm eating_." Dave shot her tiny knowing smile thing right back at her.

   "None of the items in front of you are open. . .," Rose explained. The phone vibrated silently in Dave's hands.

   GG: Talk about movies.

   GG: Talk about ghosts.

   GG: Look little Strider, I've only met John twice beforehand. You'll probably know him better than I when the day is through. Engage in awkward conversation, for all I care. I have a math class to pay attention to. Goodbye.

   ' _God damn, that barely worked. Movies, I can do movies,'_ Dave thought. "I've heard you're a very cultured person in the world of film, John." John looked up from his sandwich confused. Probably thinking that, one, that's a lie and, two, who told you such a lie?

   "Well, I like movies," John started, "if that's what you mean."

   "Like?" Dave prompted.

   "My favorite is _Con Air."_ Dave didn't know what that was. "But I also like _Ghostbusters,"_ he motioned towards his shirt, " and _Ghost rider_. Anything classic or with Nic Cage."

   "Like, ironically?" Dave could only hope.

   "Wha-no! Those movies are great!" Rose muttered small 'to each his own' between bites of apple.

   "What about sports? You play anything?"

   "No." Dave wasn't surprised.

   "Watch anything?" John shrugged.

   "Sometimes."

   "Cool. . . Hey, are you busy tonight?" Rose's attention switched her attention from the book in front of her to the two dorks across from her. John put his food down.

   "We've been over this. _I don't know you_."

   "John, I'm just trying to get you used to old NY if you have the sad privilege of living here now. Good old Friday night game! I know Jane's gonna be there for a fact." That triggered something in Rose's mind. ' _Cousin, 'mother's side, game, Jane. . . Oh, he wouldn't."_  

   "Dave," Rose warned.

   "Lighten up Rosie. Could always use more specters. Hey," Dave said to John," you got a phone?"

   "Yeah."

   "Well tell the folks that you are so popular that you already have a group of friends that want to take you to the Friday night game!" John didn't bother correcting him to _folk_ , as in one. Instead, he took out his phone and texted his father somewhat close to verbatim to what Dave said.

   He finished and pocketed his phone. "So is football big here?" He asked Dave.

   Dave nodded. "You could say that."

   "Do you play?"

   "You could say that also."

   Rose gave Dave a look. "Yes, Dave just loves _football,_ " she said sarcastically.

   "You know I do." Dave held a hand over his heart. "Speaking of, Rose, how's Roxy."

   Rose rolled her eyes and practically groaned at the mention of her own cousin. "Hungover, as always. Still trying to get Tavros to lift his ban."

   "Yeah, her and the Makaras both. That makes a good team." That one was sarcastic.

   John didn't know what they were talking about so he continued his lunch. The trio finished the rest of their eating period in almost silence. When the bell rang they all went separate ways to different classes.

* * *

    The last bell of the day rang at three forty five and at three fifty John was walking out the main doors of Rondout High. Dave had been out the front doors at forty seven and caught John before he could wiggle out of the preset plans.

   "John!" Dave clapped him on the back again and set the two of them walking on the sidewalks away from school. 

   "Dave," he said less than enthusiastically. "From what I heard today the football game doesn't start to seven."

   "Pregame," Dave deadpanned.

   "Doesn't start 'till six." Dave sighed.

   "It sounds like you don't trust me."

   "Considering we just walked past the entrance to the stadium: yes."

   "Okay, so I'm taking you to a sport that's just as popular. Everyone will be there." John looked at Dave skeptically.

   "Really?"

   "No. There will be like thirty two people from school from there."

   "Sounds quite exact."

   "Well, it's always the same thirty two people. Turn here."

   "This is a forest," John pointed out."

   "It's just over the river and through the woods."

   The two walked through the wooded area behind the school for fifteen minutes before coming to an opening at an empty parking lot facing the back of the building.

   "This is getting shadier by the minute," John said.

   "You got one tiny cut from a bush, that wasn't shady!"

   "You've led me to a parking lot and are probably gonna try to lead me into that abandoned  building." 

   Dave laughed. "It's not abandoned. Trust me."

   "That hasn't worked out so far." John was skeptical but followed Dave to the door anyway. Dave raised his fist and knocked twice before a voice on the other side answered.

   "Who is it?"

   "Dirk but not," Dave answered. It didn't sound like he was joking. There was the sound of a lock turning before the door flew open. Dave walked in and motioned for John for follow. The room they were in was lockers on all sides with a bench in the middle and a tiny cove of showers off the back corner. The room was also brimming with screaming people.

   "We fucking trusted you, you crappy piece of shit!" There was a small guy in a grey sweater standing on the bench screaming into someone's face. John felt like he knew the guy but wasn't entirely sure.

   "Language!" That came from somebody by the door leading out of the room. John turned to look and he did recognize this guy. It was Tavros, who had English with him. He was sitting in his chair but had changed into a black and white striped shirt.

   "We fuckin' trusted him, too!" This was someone else, some guy with purple in his hair. He spun around and pointed a finger up into some guy's face. "I fuckin' told you not to let him on our team, but you said we needed somebody else!" The tall guy glared down at purple hair behind his own cracked shades.

   "You want to blame someone, Ampora!? Blame Feferi!" Tall glasses swept a hand at towards a small girl across the room. "He's Feferi's boyfriend!"

   "I just want to know how none of you caught this earlier!" That was Jane, John knew her obviously. She was leaning against a wall of lockers. The shouting only got louder from there. "How do you just not realize the same guy's on two teams?"

   "They've yet to play against the other team until what was supposed to be tonight," a tall pale girl sighed from where she was also leaning on the lockers beside the blonde John had sat with at lunch.

   "We gotta kick him off the team!" That came from a small red-head. She was standing next to the cracked glasses guy.

   "OBVIOUSLY!" The whole room shouted back.

   "I say we lynch him!" That came from some girl in red glasses who was standing next to Tiny McShouty, only on the floor.

   "I'm not legally allowed to let you do that!" Tavros responded.

   "We have an extra team member! What's the big deal!?" This was from that girl, Rose, John met at lunch.

   "Well we don't, Lalonde!" John recognized this girl. It was Vriska, from John's math and gym class. Dave gasped next to you. He bent down to whisper in your ear.

   "Can you skate?" He asked. "Without falling down," he added quickly.

   "Yeah." John answered slowly. Dave grabbed John's wrist and threw them both in the air.

   "JOHN CAN SKATE," Dave yelled loud enough for the entire room to hear.

   "What?"  Vriska questioned.

   "Sollux was only a blocker, anyone can block." Dave must have gotten a better grip of the situation then John because he was still lost a fuck. Every pair of eyes in the room turned to look at John.

   Tiny McShouty gave him a once over before closing his eyes and shouting to the rest of the room. "In a moment of desperation, I, Karkat Vantas the team leader de-"

   "Who the hell died and made you leader," Vriska shouted. Four voices cheered 'yeah' in unison.

   "I DECLARE THAT SINCE WE ARE IN A TIME OF NEED," Karkat shouted louder, "THAT ONE, VRISKA NEEDS TO STOP HER BITCHING," Vriska held up a tan hand and flipped him off, "AND TWO, THIS 'JOHN'," he did the air quotes, "SHALL BE OUR TEMPOARARY TEAM MEMBER!" The room exploded in uproar.

   There was an ear shattering whistle and the sound completely stopped. Tavros waved his hands in the air. "You aren't really allowed to decide anything, Karkat. John," he turned to John quickly before smiling, "how are you enjoying New York?"

   "TAVROS," the room yelled.

   "Sorry. You skate?" John nodded. "Do you promise not to sue the place under any circumstances?" John's eyes widened but he nodded, although very slowly. "Karkat's team, you guys are okay with this?"

   "We kinda have to be," Vriska answered.

   "John, you okay with this?"

   "Ye-," The room started yelling again, but this sounded like 'happy' yelling.

   "Sollux, the door is over here," Tavros motioned next to him. "You can go work concessions with the Mituna." Everyone whooped and cheered as the guy Karkat was shouting at walked towards the door. All except Feferi.

   "Wait," Dave told him. "Jacket." Everyone in the room dropped their jaws and 'oh'-ed at Dave's words. John was so  _so_ confused _._   Sollux bitterly opened up the bag on his back and shoved what looked like a golden yellow letterman jacket into Dave's outstretched and beckoning hand. He stormed out of the locker rooms and Dave examined the jacket.  Pale yellows sleeves, golden vest, a small crescent moon over the heart along with a small one, and a large 'P' on the back. Dave handed it to John. "Look at that John, you're number one!"

   Tavros clapped  a fake couple of claps. "Alright, alright, alright. Strider are you okay with filling him in on rules and regulations?" Dave saluted him and gave a 'yes sir'. "Good, only one more problem: You got any equipment with you somehow?" The four from before groaned. "Shut you're whining; I can't let him compete without gear!"

   "I'm sorry; I only have gym clothes with me, nothing else." It was silent for a minuet.

   Dave snapped and everyone looked at him. "The Mayor!"

   "Oh my fucking god," Karkat groaned, running a hand over his face.

   Dave ran out of the room. "MAYYYOOORRR!"

   "Wha-," John started.

   Karkat put up a hand to stop him. "John, right?" John nodded. "Shut up." Dave rushed back into the room.

   "The Mayor prevails!" The hand that didn't have a bag in it was pumping in the air. He threw the bag at John, who just barely caught it. Inside was shin guards, a helmet, skates even. "Bless the mayor," Dave whispered as he caught his breath.

   Tavros whistled impressed. "Well, I guess your in." More cheers and whoops. "Ladies," Tavros motioned towards the door, "let the guys dressed. C'mon, file out." Half the room shuffled out the door. Dave walked over to a locker. John followed.

   "Derby, ever heard of it?"

   "I've seen _Whip_ _It_ ," John said.

   "That's a good start, but there's a lot more to it. You're gonna be blocker, so. . ."

* * *

    A quick fifteen minutes and not so quick explanation for John, and everyone from the locker rooms was sitting in the first couple of rows. Tavros rolled into to the inside of the track. John leaned over to whisper to Dave.

   "Isn't Tavros really shy? And doesn't he stutter?" John was damn near certain Tavros was going to pass out when the teacher asked him to tell the class about the symbolism in _The Great Gatsby_ earlier today.

    Dave whispered back. "Usually. He's very socially awkward at school but here? Never. Put the guy in striped shirt and give him a whistle he's suddenly the best public speaker in the world. Never heard him stutter once as ref." Tavros started.

   "Ladies! Gentlemen! Esteemed guests!" Tavros made a wide gesticulation to the audience. "Welcome to what we call homecoming night here at the Two Moons Skate Club!" The crowd cheered. Dave hadn't been wrong. There were many _many_ more people here than John had expected. Enough that the whole giant set of inddor bleachers wasn't enough, and some people had to stand to see. "Tonight, for the first team this season, are own home teams will be competing against each other! But first, some people to thank!" Tavros produced a folded piece of paper from his breast pocket. "First, me! The head referee here at T.M.S.C.! Next, our other back-up refs here working with me! They're the other fellows in black and white, although they're in suits and I'm not! Clap for Slick, Deuce, Droog, and Boxcars!" Dave leaned closer to John.

   "Clap, they own the building," he said through gritted teeth. John clapped loudly.

   "They look like mobsters," John joked about the suited men positioned around the outside of the track. Dave didn't reply.

   Tavros continued. "Our lovely office heads who do all the legal work, and trust me there's a lot: the White Queen an-," there was a shout from the office to Tavro's left and the specters right.

   "Don't call me that!" John leaned to look into the office and a tall pale women behind a computer was glaring Tavros down. Another woman standing behind her was sorting through letters. Tavros only chuckled.

   "- and Ms. Mendicant! Now over to my right, your left, we have our lovely concessions workers. Wave to them, there's Sollux Captor and Mituna Captor!" Tavros waved and Sollux held up a hand in return. The other one, who must me Mituna John figured, was absorbed in a hand held game and didn't notice his mention. "Thank you to the guy who keeps the lights on, music in check, and score bored up to date,  A.R.! You'd know him if you've seen him, he's always covered in caution tape!" The crowd laughed. "An extra special thanks to Kanaya Maryam! She designed all the fabulous uniforms you'll see out on the track and is also our official nurse!" A girl with really short curly hair waved from the end of the bleachers with a first aid kit in hand. "And finally, to the our NSO! That basically means the score keeper, penalty tracker, penalty timer, jam timer, outside whiteboard, and lineup! Thank you to the Mayor!" There was a small old man by a whiteboard next to the trophy case up front. He was dressed entirely in brown, hat included, and got the most applause out of anyone. Tavros peered closely at the paper. "Disclaimer: this man has never actually been a/the literal mayor," Tavros read quickly.

   "Now," he spoke, "let's get these games started!" Giant uproar and fanfare. Tavros pointed to Karkat and some older guy John didn't know. "You two, coin toss." Karkat and the other guy skated towards the center. "Jake, you've got senior privilege. Call it in the air." Tavros flipped the coin and the three pairs of eyes followed.

   "Heads, Last," the older guy said. The coin landed on Tavros' tan skin and he covered it with his other hand before turning it over. Tavros lifted his hand and the taller guy flinched while Karkat threw victory fists above his head.

   "Seniors, you're up first!" All the seniors boo-ed and Jake mouthed apologizes none of them could here over the clapping. Karkat rolled back to his seat. The mayor walked to the edge of the track and handed another piece of paper to Tavros. "Okay, you all know where to line up. Pivot line," he pointed to a line on the track, "and jammer line." He pointed to another line behind the first one. "Let's get started!" The lights dim and a few spot lights lit up the track. The music quieted, but the crowd only cheered louder.

   "If these people don't go to our school," John started, "who are they?" Motioning to the people in the stands.

   "Surrounding schools, the local college, friends of the Mayor, adults who like to watch kids beat the snot out of each other," Dave told him.

   "Okay everybody, give it up for this year's seniors teams: the Poisonous Prospit Seniors and the Despicable Derse Dingoes!" Half the skaters waved and the half howled.

   "The Dingoes," Dave said  before John had a chance to ask.

   "Starting with the Poisonous Prospit, here we go! First up we have number Two-hundred forty two, Jake 'the Skull Crusher' English!" The guy from the coin toss rolled to the pivot line. He had a green helmet that looked like a skull and ridiculously short shorts. John grew slightly worried. "Next up, another blocker, number ninety-six, Kankri 'Trigger Happy' Vantas!" Another guy rolled up to the pivot line, but this one had a red shirt whereas the last one had a green. Both had their respected numbers and nicknames on the back. The two high fived at the line. "Another blocker, double zero, Porrim 'Femme Fatale' Maryam!  Why two zeros and not one? I don't know, but we all know Porrim couldn't commit to just one!" The crowd ooh-ed and the girl flipped him off from the pivot line.

   "Is she allowed to wear such a little shirt?" Dave laughed at John's question.

   "When it comes to uniform you pick your helmet and skate color. Kanaya over there," he pointed to the end of the bleachers," does the rest. You can give her input, sure, but she doesn't have to listen to it. Porrim's was a lot more conventional to begin with but she took a pair of scissors to it."

   "Wouldn't that hurt if she fell," John pointed to her exposed midriff.

   "It would hurt if anyone fell."

   "Is she wearing green lipstick, too?"

   "All the girls wear colored lipstick. Just something they all decided to do when we started up the derby. All of them  match their shirt colors, but there are exceptions. For example, Rose's shirt is purple but she wears black lipstick, and Vriska has a black shirt but wears blue lipstick." John nodded, absorbing all this information.

   "You know a lot about lipstick," John pointed out.

   "I have hobbies," Dave answered. John hoped he was joking.

   "Our last Prospit breaker: number eighty-eight, Aranea Serket 'Breaker'!" Tavros laughed. "It's funny because it's her last name and-well, you guys get it!" This girl was in a blue dress and tights that looked like spider webs matching the ones on her helmet. "The Prospit team pivot: number twenty-seven, Kurloz 'Silent But Deadly' Makara." This guy kept a stoic expression through all the clapping as he rolled to the pivot line. He looked like a skeleton but with purple shorts. "And the Prospit jammer, number one-hundred eleven, Rufioh 'Red Bull' Nitram! This one rolled to the jammer line and waved the audience. The bleachers were shaking and a bunch of people were cheering his name.

   "Why the stars?" John pointed to Rufioh's helmet.

    "Two stars means you're the jammer. One star means pivot." Dave told him.

   "RU-FI-OH! RU-FI-OH!" The crowd roared.

   Tavros waved a hand to silence them. "Last but not least, we have number sixteen, Jane "Pound Cake' Crocker!" Jane waved from where she was, but didn't move.

   "Doesn't Jane do anything," John asked.

   "She does _a lot_ , trust me. Your cousin can do some serious damage, but she's an extra player. Usual legal rules are four breakers where one is a pivot and one jammer. but we play four breakers, one pivot who plays as an extra breaker, and one jammer. Anyone else is extra," Dave explained.

   "Feel like we're missing somebody? Well, the Prospit seniors are missing another extra tonight, Latula 'Rad Bad Bitch' Pyrope! Don't worry though, she's just slightly injured. Nothing major. Skateboard and derby are a dangerous mix, folks.Now, for our Derse Dingoes! First, breaker number two, Roxy 'Drinking Demon' Lalonde!" A flash or pink and white rolled out to the pivot line. Roxy had knee-high white socks with pink stripes and a helmet with plastic cat ears. This must be the girl Dave and Rose where talking about at lunch, John figured. "Did we give Roxy a breathalyzer and the Makaras a drug test? You know the rules about playing under the influence!" Kurloz's face remained stoical, and Roxy rolled her eyes.

   "It was one time, and it was my best game, so totally not fair," She yelled to Tavros.

   A man in a tux, one of the building owners, by the door shouted at Tavros half-heartdly. "She passed." Roxy silently celebrated at the breaker line.

   Some guy a few seats down with wild black hair called out to Tavros," And we're both clean, motherfucker!"

   "Alright, alright," Tavros started. "We gotta move on! Breaker, number twenty-five, Dirk 'Robro' Strider." Dave erupted in hollers and loud claps. John mimicked, although minimally." Breaker, number nine, Meulin 'Catnip and Tuck' Leijon!" Lime green lined up at the breaker line. "Next up, number fifty, we have Cronus 'Grease Monkey' Ampora." Some guy rolled up to the pivot line looking like he just rolled out of fifties. Hair, leather jacket, and all. Tavros laughed a bit more. "I would make a joke, but your name is joke enough, Ampora." Cronus rolled his eyes. "Give it up for the pivot of the Derse Dingoes: number nineteen, Damara 'Japan-easy' Megido!" This girl looked like she had rolled straight out of some sort of anime with a short skirt and chopsticks in her hair. "You people are putting yourselves down; it makes my job a whole lot easier! Finally, your Derse jammer is. . . number twenty-three, Meenah 'Gold Hitter' Peixes!"  Meenah rolled to the jammer line, many bracelets and necklaces jingling as she did so. "Meenah," Tavros started," you misspelled 'digger' on your line up sheet." The audience laughed again.

   "Is she allowed to wear all that jewley? That seems like it would be illegal," John said.

   "I wouldn't worry about the jelwery, if I were you. Those braids are way too close to the wheels of her skates," Dave pointed out.

   "Last but certainly not least, number eighty-four, Horuss 'PonyHAIL' Zahhak!" From beside Jane , he tried to flex what little muscle he had. The pair of cracked glasses a couple seats down laughed at the attempt.

   "That's everybody," Tavros said," so let's start the race!" The mayor quickly ran/wobbeled to Tavros and  handed him another piece of paper. "Oh, wait folks. In accordance to the new rules of the WFTDA, there are no longer any minor violations, and players will only be penalized for a major violation." From the front row of the bleachers, Vriska shouted 'YES' and  threw her fist in the air.

   "Do I need to watch out for her," John asked.

   "Nah," Dave said. "She's on your team," he tacked on.

   "Players, are you ready?" A chorus of yesses and yeahs. "Alright," he raised his whistle to his lips. "On your marks," everybody bent their knees," get set," most clenched their fists,". . . go!" Tavros blew his whistle and the skaters were off.

* * *

   "Is it too late to back out?" John was standing outside the entrance to the track with all the team members around him.

   "Yes, fuckass!" Karkat told him, having to lean on the stopper of his skate to see into John's eyes.

   "Don't be calling anybody 'fuckass', fuckass!" This was Jade, John had learned.

   "Shut the fuck up, Harley!" Karkat told her.

   "Language," Tavros warned from the rink.

   "Are we not allowed to cuss, or. . .," John started.

   Vriska cut him off. "Not excessively. It falls under 'unsportmans-like conduct', but it shouldn't matter because that's only a MINOR VILOATION," she cupped her hands at the sides of her mouth and screamed the last words to Tavros.

   "Wanna start the game off in the penalty box," Tavros asked her smugly.

   "What are you gonna put me in for, huh?" Vriska taunted him.

   "Disrespecting the ref!"

   "You can't do that," she screeched.

   "Who makes the rules?" Tavros shrugged with his palms up before pointing to himself.  Vriska stopped talking and stomped her foot, narrowly missing John's skate. "Now if the players have nothing left to say: let's start! First team: the Live Long and Prospit!"

   "Who named us," John mumbled.

   "Sollux," five voices cursed in unison.

   "Our first skater is-!" Tavros cut his sentence short. He turned his head and pointed at John. "What's your name?"

   "John."

   Tavros rolled his eyes. "First name, nickname, last name," he told him. He started snapping as to say 'hurry up'.

   "Well my last name is Egbert, bu-," Tavros cut him off with a snap.

   "Nickname?"

   John stuttered." Well, uh-I, um, don- you see I, uh. . .," Dave leaned over the railing and yelled to Tavros.

   "Dude's in my shop class and can work wonders with a hammer and nails," Dave shrugged. "If that helps."

   Tavros turned to Dave. "Hammer and nails?"

   "Hammer and nails," Dave repeated.

   "I can work with that," Tavros muttered, turning back to the crowd. "Number one: John 'Hammer Time' Egbert!" John blushed fiercely but rolled up to the pivot line, as he had seen the seniors do. "Next, number ninety-five, Jade 'the Dog Father' Harley!" Jade wheeled through the track with her fist in the air before pulling up next to John. "Now. number sixty-nine, and no I'm not joking, Karkat 'Small Talk' Vantas!" Tavros was wasting no time announcing this time around.

   Karkat flipped off the laughing crowd as he rolled to his spot. "Oh, I'm a cancer you fuckasses!"

   "Large words from a little man," Tavros taunted. Karkat turned around and personally flipped him off. "Keep it up Karkat and you'll be sittin' pretty with Serket in the penalty box. Speaking of, number eight, the Prospit pivot, Vriska 'Magic Hate Ball' Serket!" Vriska was dressed in blues and black but had the same spider web tights as her sister. She took her place at the pivot line. "Last Prospit breaker, number four hundred thirteen, Terezi 'Hard Law' Pyrope!" Terezi rolled to the pivot  line without stumbling once. John was still inwardly questioning why they would let somebody blind play something like roller derby, but there was Vriska, who had a prostectic arm, Meulin was deaf ( John learned), and Kurloz was mute. The only people who weren't _allowed_ to play were Tavros (for obvious reasons), Sollux (in light of recent events), and Mituna, and John wasn't sure why he couldn't play.

   Tavros' voice snapped him out of his thinking. "Now we have your Prospit jammer! Wearing the number four hundred twenty: Gamzee 'Blazin' Rage' Makara!" Gamzee, frightenly tall Gamzee, stumbled out onto the track and started to roll over to the jammer line. He stopped halfway on his way to ruffle Tavros' mohawk. Tavros blushed furiously and swatted at his hand and Gamzee kept skating. "Are we sure he passed," Tavros asked.

   "Positive," shouted one of the building owners, Slick.

   Tavros just shook his head. "Now for the Down and Dirty Derse! Your first breaker is number four, Rose 'Stichin' Bitchin' Lalonde!" Rose postioned herself at the pivot line. John snuck a glance to the audience pass his clunky helmet and saw that the nurse, Kanaya, was clapping very calmly but had on a smile a mile wide. "Next, number three, Dave 'Timeless Beats' Strider!" Dave got in line next to John. The guy Dave had cheered for, Dirk, was clapping wildly now. "The ever lovely breaker, number twenty-six, Aradia 'Rammin' Slammin' Megido!" John wasn't really focused on the other players anymore, but he did make a quick side note to try and steer clear of Aradia. "Now for the dangerous duo! Numbers thirty-three and one hundred, pivot and jammer, Nepeta 'Cat Fight' Leijon and Equius 'Neigh-Slayer' Zahhak!" One player, a small girl, rolled up to the pivot line while the muscular giant rolled to the jammer line. "The last breaker for Derse is number three-hundred eleven, Eridan 'Prince of Pain' Ampora" Eridan was in royal purples and waved as if he were actually royally. What a douche. "Last but not least, the Derse extra, number three hundred eighty, Feferi 'Queen Bee' Peixes!" Feferi waved from outside the rink in her own purple letterman jacket. It seemed like everyone who played had one, either gold or purple. Some people  on the track groaned and muttered at the mention of Feferi's nickname.

   "Is everybody on the tracks ready?" All the people beside John cheered. "Well, on your marks," John clenched his fist. "Get set. . .," Vriska laughed wickedly from beside him. "Go!"

   And they were off.

* * *

   "So, am I forgiven for tricking your ass to a sketchy building and kind of forcing you into a sport you've never played before?" John and Dave were standing outside John's house after walking back from the derby. Them moon illuminated the two teenagers in the driveway, one holding a barrowed ice pack to their eye.

   "We'll see when my eye swells down," John answered. The two of them laughed quietly. "But probably. Not bad for a first day."

   "Think you'll play again? The team still needs a player." John pantomimed thinking about Dave's proposal before laughing to himself.

    "Probably." A light switched on from the living room of the Egbert House. "But I have to go now, apparently." John walked up the driveway backwards, waving. "Bye Dave."

   Dave flicked a two finger salute a John. "Later John."

 

**Author's Note:**

> A sudden passion for Derbystuck had struck it's way to my heart. Thank you for reading all! If there is anything, anything at all, you would like to tell me please feel free to put in in the ask box on my tumblr mentioned in my profile.


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